


Deep Water

by beefcakebarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Read at Your Own Risk, mentions of nudity, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 05:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16298666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beefcakebarnes/pseuds/beefcakebarnes
Summary: When Bucky’s memories attempt to drown him, there’s only one person who can keep his head above the water.Inspired by the song Deep Water by American Authors. The acoustic version inspired part 2.





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky’s good days were bright. They were filled with smiles, jokes, and laughter. He felt good these days – normal, even. His smile rivaled the sun in the sky and his laughter put velvet to shame. His blue eyes would shine bright, stopping the hearts of anyone who dare look into them.

Bucky’s bad days were dark. They were filled with nightmares, echoes of screams, and visions of blood. These days left him tired, worn, and cold. His eyes would be dark – his silence is always deafening. He would be left as an empty shell - a polar-opposite to the man he was the day before.  
He had one hope, though. One person - other than his best friend - that could keep him afloat when he felt like he was drowning. One person that kept him from ending it, from giving up the battle with his mind and letting it drown him.

She often found him in the shower long after the water ran cold. He would be sat on the shower floor, the cool spray pounding away at his back, his damp hair sticking to his forehead and neck. His face would be blank of emotion, eyes empty as they stared off onto the shower wall, letting the voices and visions in his head torture him.

All it would take is a soft touch of her hand to his cheek. The oxygen rushed back into his lungs, the voices silenced as his eyes followed her arm up to her soft features. 

“You’ll catch a cold, Buck,” she spoke softly, reaching to turn off the cold spray before brushing his hair out of his face.

A small smile formed on his face at her caring nature, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was too tired to put in the effort. 

A soft towel folded around his shoulders, and he could feel her small hands as they moved over his back to warm him. Bucky looked small in these moments. A super soldier with a bionic arm, curled into a shower stall, his arms wrapped around his legs made his large, muscly body seem so small and fragile.

These moments alone with her were the ones he needed. She knew he wasn’t fragile, he wasn’t a piece of glass. She didn’t ask if he was okay because she already knew he wasn’t. She didn’t force him to do anything because she knew that he would do it when - and if - he wanted to. She didn’t treat him like he was broken. All she had to do was hold her hand out for him to pull himself to shore and he would swim as if his life depended on it. She was the only motivation he’d ever need.

She was sat outside the shower stall, silent as she patiently waited for him. For what, she didn’t know. He could decide to turn and look at her, to smile and act like everything was okay. Or, he could decide to sit in the shower all night in the cold water, like he had done many times before. She wouldn’t push him. If she had to, she would join him in the small cubical for the night so he wouldn’t have to be alone.

He watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was within arm’s reach, just in case he wanted to touch her, but not close enough to make him feel crowded. She left enough space between the two of them just in case he wanted to leave, to be alone. But he wouldn’t ever run away from her.

With a deep breath and a lot of mental and physical effort, he slowly reached his hand out and curled it around hers, the one resting in her lap. His fingers were cold, he was shivering, and the pads of his fingers were wrinkled.

Raising her eyes to look at him, she gave him a kind smile as he looked at her through his wet hair. He looked like a scared animal, too afraid to move lest he be hurt. She moved slowly, gently running the pad of her thumb over the back of his hand. She kept the eye contact with him, watching as he blinked slowly, exhaustion evident on his features. His eyes were dark and droopy, and his movements were slow – obvious signs that the nightmares that plagued him weren’t letting him get the rest he yearned for.

They watched each other a moment longer in the silence, the only sound being the ticking from the clock on the bathroom wall that now read 4 a.m.

“Do you want to try to go to bed?”

The question wasn’t meant to scare him, but it did. If he went to sleep, he would see them, he would have to watch it over and over again. Even if he closed his eyes, he would still have to hear the blood-curdling screams and pained whimpers.

His eyes moved around the room for a moment, as if in thought, before he looked back to her again. A small nod of his head was all she needed as he rose to her feet and grabbed his emergency nightshirt and pants from under the bathroom sink. 

She slowly helped him stand, letting him take his time as he needed. His muscles ached from being curled up for too long, but she was his motivation. He had to do it for her.

After she had helped him dry off, dress, and get into bed, and after a few moments of letting Bucky take all the time he needed, the clock read 5:30 a.m. He could see fatigue in her eyes as he watched her from his position on her chest, and he felt guilty for being such a burden to her. But they way she protectively wrapped her arm around his broad shoulders and gently brushed her fingers through his hair, he saw and felt unadulterated love.

Bucky knew that when he needed it, when he was drowning in his own head, she would be the one that would breathe oxygen into his lungs and pull him from the deep water.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky’s bad days were numb. Not only would he not feel any physical pain, but he wouldn’t feel anything emotionally, either. His body would only do what was required for survival. He would eat – very little – and breathe. There wasn’t much anyone would be able to do to get him back from the blank slate he had become. 

His good days were rare but becoming more frequent. On these days, it’s as if the sun became a person. He would always be up early, always having a smile or something sarcastic to say. The voices wouldn’t be able to get to him. They would be too blinded by the light that spread through every cell of his body. 

On these days, with the sun high in the sky and a cool breeze blowing through open windows, Bucky could often be found just about anywhere. When he was in a good mood, there were no limitations or boundaries that could keep him caged.

He had risen early this morning, and when she woke, his side of the bed was still warm. The bedroom door was cracked open, the scents of pancakes, eggs, and bacon wafting down the short hallway of her apartment. 

A sleepy smile crept across her face as she turned to look at the clock – 9:30 a.m. Pulling herself from the warm hug of the comforter, her bare feet padding against the cold hardwood floors. She straightened out the stolen shirt she wore and ran her fingers through her hair as she quietly took herself down the hallway. 

The aroma of homemade breakfast was strong and welcoming when she reached the archway to the kitchen. And standing at the Stove was Bucky, humming softly along with the radio that sat on the counter. 

He hadn’t yet noticed her presence, so she took the time to admire him from afar. She watched how to sunlight danced gracefully against his hair, making it shine like dark bronze. She listened to the light tone to his voice as he absentmindedly mumbled with the radio – he probably didn’t even know the words.

With soft feet, she quietly moved behind him, her arms weaving around his waist to rest her hands on his chest. He was warm and there – it was a comfort he gave her that was unexplainable.

Bucky sat the spatula on the counter before turning in her hold. His hands were firm on her cheeks, one warm and one cold. His eyes were soft as he gazed down at her, a gentle smile on his lips. The radio played softly in the background as he watched the sleep fade from her features.

Sometimes, he wondered if she knew how beautiful she truly was. Not just physical features – it’s what he sees underneath. Her caring nature, fighting spirit, and kind heart where what had pulled him in. She was gentle but had a firm hand. She was smart beyond belief, knowing anything and everything about every subject – even the silly little facts she would read on the internet would stick with her, and he would laugh every time he thought they were ridiculous. 

But most importantly, she chose him. He’s seen blood and gore, pain and loss, but it didn’t matter to her. She chose him because she didn’t see the Winter Soldier or James Barnes. She saw Bucky. She saw a man that had been used and bruised by war. She saw a man that was quietly screaming out for help in the dark water of the ocean, and she reached out to pull him to the shallows.

She let out a content sigh as she covered his large hands with hers, her eyes memorizing the detail of the blue in his irides. They were blue like the summer sky on clear, sunny day. They held so much of his love and pain – things he would ever only show to her. 

He slowly leaned toward her, their eyes falling shut as he placed a soft kiss on her lips. It was short but held so much meaning. She could feel his happiness and admiration form where their bodies connected. It was warm and welcoming, but he pulled away too soon. 

Her hands rested on his chest now, his arms circling her waist. A glint on the sunshine caught Bucky’s eye and he looked down, noticing the simple, silver band on her left hand. 

Pride filled his chest as he felt the weight of a chain, his own silver band hanging on his neck. 

Bucky gave a content sigh through his nose as he rested his cheek on her forehead and closed his eyes. This is all he ever wanted. He never asked for war or pain or suffering; all he ever wanted was to be happy with a woman he could spend the rest of his life with.

In the end, he had to thank everyone who had ever done him wrong – without them, he would have never found his girl. If he hadn’t have fallen off that train, he would never be happy like he is when he’s protectively holding her in his arms. Fate has a funny way of leading you down all the right roads, even if they’re full of suffering and regret. 

The radio was still buzzing in the background, the music floating softly through the apartment. Bucky silently held her to his chest as he listened to the lyrics, his heart filling with love as he thought about his girl with every word.

 

~When it pulls me under, will you make me stronger

Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water

Take me farther, give me one day longer

Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water~


End file.
